I Stopped The Subway From Flooding Today, Saving Thousands Of Lives In The Process

Most people commute to work and don’t give a damn about anything other than themselves and their own self interest.  In fact, I’m pretty confident all they care about is avoiding eye contact with fellow strangers and getting from A to B as quickly as possible without any undesired frustration or delays.   Well, not me.  It’s my duty as the Dark Knight Of Commuting to be there when others aren’t.  As the song goes, “just call my name, and I’ll be there.”

And today I was there.  Yes! … there I was standing on the subway Platform at 9ish in the morning.  It was my stop and all I needed to do was walk myself up those stairs to the sunny streets of NYC and be on my way to my desk for a minimum of 8 hours including lunch.  It would have been easy to simply turn a blind eye and leave this for someone who is paid to deal with such incompetence, but the hero in me just couldn’t ignore what my eyes were witnessing.

I looked above and saw water pouring down from the Subway ceiling like we were in a category 4 storm, which I found odd because this only happens when it rains, because you know, water and the fact that our City is 3,000 years old and has bigger cracks than an overweight plumber.  Also, the air didn’t seem as thick due to the natural humidifier effect that was counteracting the subway’s normal smell of rat piss and left over Shake Shack.

Today though, it wasn’t raining outside.  In fact, it was probably one of the better days of 2019.  So naturally my spider senses went off and I did what any noble hero would do in 2019 – I took out my phone and recorded (multiple times so I could get a shot where I didn’t appear to have a double chin as I a panned out).  Even more heroically, my hair looked like shit, but I still posted it anyway because to be frank it was getting late.  And regardless, this wasn’t about showing off my perfectly symmetrical jawline, THIS was about saving lives.  All I could think about in that moment was the movie “The Poseiden Adventure”, which is an old ass movie with a terrible remake starring Johnny Drama from Entourage, where a rogue tidal wave capsizes a cruise ship leaving hundreds of people to die.  I thought to myself in that moment, NOT ON MY WATCH.  I couldn’t let it happen.  Not today.

Soon after I hit above ground I uploaded my video to Twitter to alarm the authorities/get some likes and retweets, and within minutes the NYC Subway Twitter account sprung into action …

They wanted to investigate … but they had suspected the wrong line.  A-C was not where this inevitable catastrophe lied, so I responded with an update and a humorous Dad joke that was received quiet well.

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From there, I was thanked, applauded and given the key to the City.

Ya know, it goes a long way being kind nowadays and I’m sure the person handling this Twitter account was appreciative as usually they’re bombarded with Tweets telling them to kill themselves or that they’re worthless criminals for making us paying damn near 3 dollars to ride a train where homeless people routinely shit.

So yea, no big deal.  I saved the lives of everyone who takes the 14th street subway station today and moving forward.  Death will just have to wait for another sunny day to strike without notice …

and what do we say to the god of death?

Not today.

Follow me on Twitter @commutesucks

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