NJTRANSIT Doors Don’t Close On Moving Train, But Who Needs Doors Anyway

Who says that commuting can’t be exciting?!  I mean, talk about living on the edge … literally.  So during yesterday’s commute a few of our brave riders were just minding their own business, enjoying* stop after stop as they stumbled and bumbled to their final destination, when all of a sudden ….

Stand clear of the closing doors please!

Waiting …

Waiting more …

…. and crickets.

The train doors didn’t close, and instead just stayed open as the train departed for the next station.  As seen in the tweet below, commuters were seen laughing at the potential of falling out onto the tracks and experiencing a glorious death by way of being thrown from a moving train.  Sometimes, ya just need to laugh to make the pain go away.  I get it.  I’ve been there too my brother and sisters, ohhhh tesstifffyyyy!

I mean, Jesus Christ man, it’s 2019.  Doors? Like that’s the most basic of needs.  It’s the thing you don’t even think about when building a moving vehicle.  You don’t even write it on your to-do list for building the fucking thing.  Ya just do it.  It’s doors, bro.  Fucking doors.

And typically this wouldn’t be an issue since the goal of the commute is to usually NOT be standing in the vestibule for the duration of your ride, for ya know, safety and all.   There’s seats for that. Unfortunately for these commuters, their train appeared to be one of the luxurious single level trains that were built a few years before the Civil War.  They probably missed out on seats and were forced to risk their lives to get home to their loved ones.  It’s kinda like when all the conference rooms are taken at your job and you end up taking your call in the stairway.  Fucking 2nd class citizen shit right there.

Now before I place blame and put this on the incompetence of NJTRANSIT, let’s do a little exercise and give them the benefit of the doubt.  After all, maybe this was strategic?  Let’s take a look at the possibilities ….

For one, it was fucking hot as balls yesterday AND it’s not uncommon for the air conditioners on these trains to go to shit and leave you with a soaked back and in need of a pit stop at the local CVS to pick up some AXE body spray.   (You believe they lock that shit up at some locations now). With that said, this could have been the conductor’s conscious decision to provide some natural air to the riders.  Like why use the extra energy to close the door when you can use the Earth’s natural elements for free?

If not that, then maybe it’s part of a new initiative to ban air conditioning on the heels on that groundbreaking New York Times article that explained why air conditioning is unhealthy and sexist

Think about it, NJTRANSIT always says “safety is their top priority”, so this could easily be there way of saving us from the hazardous gases that an AC gives off.  There’s also the chance that the conductor of this train actually believes that Air Conditioning is indeed, sexist.  So they not only shut off the supply of toxic masculinity enducing air, but they also tried to kill a few males in the process just to even up the gender score.  Two birds.  One stone.  No brainer.

Gotta respect it.  Kinda genius, actually.

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