So today I came across quite possibly the worst article ever written, which was quote Tweeted by a staff writer for The Atlantic. I struggled to read the NYTIMES article, as it was comprised of facts that only people who enjoying wasting their time would ever look up. Anyway, here’s the Tweet, where apparently not only stated should we ban Air Conditioning because it’s unhealthy, but because it’s sexist (LOL) as well. Ya can’t … make … this … shit … up.
I don’t want to even touch this “sexist” declaration, because Lord knows that ain’t gonna be a productive conversation. All I know is my own perspective and guess what, until someone has walked two New York City avenues in jeans and a button down and then taken the Subway later that day in 90 degree heat for a meeting across town, they can kiss my ass … (please note I could have used “sweaty balls” instead, but then that may have been sexist, so I’m not gonna do that #takethehighroad). You wanna talk about uncomfortable and miserable, that’s where it’s at. If someone wants to claim that Air Conditioning raises or decreases productivity, by all means, please waste your time explaining that to your co-worker or do us all a favor and buy a fucking sweater at H&M for 15 bucks.
The reason I take issue with this is because in 2019 when you ban something from somewhere, sooner or later other places will follow. That’s why this article is dangerous to us sane people. First it’ll be the office building and then it’ll be the trains and I ain’t gonna just sit here and let that happen. NOT ON MY WATCH. If for any reason someone thinks that air-conditioning isn’t an absolute must, then I cordially invite that person to ride NJTRANSIT with us miserable fucking commuters during rush hour on the way home. What I like to call, the Anti-Stewart Mader. In fact, I did just that …
So there ya go. An open invite. Just all of us 9-5ers and Taylor on a local train that clocks in around 1 hour and 20 minutes of stop and go with the scenery of garbage dumps along the way, while sucking in the fine humidity of 90+ degree oxygen-less air and armpits!
And to the point of AC not being safe … You wanna know what’s not safe? Heat stroke. You wanna know what’s more dangerous than that? Getting heat stroke while sitting next to someone who ate a Chipolte burrito for lunch. So don’t come at me with dangerous or miserable. An NJTRANSIT toilet. THAT’S DANGEROUS, okay? I’ll take a little sinus infection every other week over no AC on my way to and from work. This is life and death we’re talking about. Fuck, just last week people were being dragged off the trains by the FDNY during the power outage, and now these clowns wanna write articles like this? Fuck outta here with that shit.
Seriously, can you imagine being on a delayed and packed NJTRANSIT train with no AC? I think I’d rather just sleep in Penn Station. Just straight up hide in one of the CVS aisles like Marv and Harry did in Home Alone 2, when they camped out in Duncan’s Toy Shop so they could rob the place. I’d have AC and my selection of infinity snacks. Not a bad idea.
…. or just walk home. Might actually get home faster that way.
Taylor … balls in your court.
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