What a time to be alive! Fresh off the “State Of Emergency” that never happened, Governor Murphy decided to make the bold move and one-up himself in the “fuck you guys doin’ over there?” department of NJTRANSIT.
So yesterday our Knight in invisible armor had a scheduled announcement where he’d inform us that the AirTrain at Newark Airport (something I actually think runs pretty well) had to be replaced. What we didn’t expect was that he would have the bright idea to take NJTRANSIT to get there. Yes, you read that write, Governor Murphy took ol’ faithful, NJTRANSIT to get to his announcement and in the shocker of the century, was 20 minutes late. You just … hate … to see it.
Does it get any lower than that? Does it? Can it? How do you allow that to happen? Was there no one on the “inside” saying “Hey, the Governor, ya know, the dude who gets fucking roasted on Twitter everyday, yea, he’s taking NJTRANSIT on his way to Newark Airport. Let’s work outside our usual schedule and process and get him there on time.”
Spoiler: The answer is “no”. Just like the rest of us miserables, he was late to a meeting. How’s it feel Governor? Now take that 20 minutes and add a drive to the train, parking, waiting on a frozen platform and then having your nose shoved in the face of some stranger’s ass-crack for over an hour while they place a shitty free game on their smart phone as they pass the time to escape from reality … That’s our life.
In all seriousness, if you were legit going for the worst possible week at your job, I think this dude just did it. We even had this gem to kick start the week …
First off … L … O … L. What is “normal service” exactly? If normal service is what we see every day, then how fucking bad should I expect 2019 to be? We gonna exchange all the trains for horses? Maybe we’ll just say fuck it and walk to NYC from Jersey … or maybe the people who take the Ferry can just swim across the River, after all, they’re freezing their ass off anyway. I mean c’mon dude, how you gonna just lay it all out there and say some bullshit like that? Like a true journalist/idiot, I actually read this article and took this lovely excerpt ..
NJ Transit riders may have to wait until the end of this year to see the system operate the way it’s supposed to, Gov. Phil Murphy said Thursday.
In a news conference after he met with NJ Transit bus driver and locomotive engineer students at the agency’s training center in Newark, Murphy said the work his administration has done to improve the statewide mass transit system should begin “bearing fruit” this year.
“2018 was climbing a lot of mountains,” Murphy said. “That journey’s not over.”
HAHAHAHA! Bearing fruit you say? What kind of fruit is that? The worst kind? I’m thinking Dragon Fruit because it looks fucking disgusting and molded. I’ve seen that shit on Chopped on the Food Network and not one Chef has ever liked using it. They even go as far to just leave it out of their dish, straight up like “fuck the mystery basket, I’m rolling the dice here“. It’s always “I need to pair it with this food so it masks the flavor.”
Or what about Durian? It’s apparently the smelliest fruit on the planet earth. Just smells like shit, kinda like the toilet I wrote about a few weeks ago that some random passenger decided to drop a deuce on and not clean/flush.
Lastly, in the Twittersphere we had a few winners this week … First off we have this dude that goes by the name of Dale Mac. This dude was relentless. Earlier in the day he highlights how it’s 9 degrees outside and vestibule door keeps flying open mid ride, providing that nice winter air fit for a one way ticket to pneumonia and then he followed up with this cherry on top in the form of an electric hazard.
ahhhhhhh … the good ol’ asking for a friend. So lovely. I mean, just look at that! This the same service that preaches SAFETY FIRST! Oh! Safety you say? So essentially based off this photo running the risk of being electrocuted like Blanca from Street Fighter should fall under the “normal service” category that was alluded to before.
… and then last but not least there’s shitting on one of our City’s former star athletes. You wanna talk about bad luck? Well look no further than Nick Mangold, former Center for the sad, sad New York Jets. It’s bad enough that he had to be on Gang Green for a number of years, but on top of that he’s also now a millionaire who is STILL getting shit on by the New Jersey Transit System … I guess no one is exempt from the misery. The poor, the rich, the miserables.
Get ya shit together or J-E-T-S …. Just End The Service.
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