5 … 4 … 3 … 2 …1 … Happy New Year ……… annnnnnnd we’re screwed.
It seems like ever since the wizards over at NJTRANSIT decided to unveil their IMPROVE, ENGAGE, INFORM initiative for the New Year that they’ve gone completely ass backwards and found a way to become worse in every single department. It’s so bad that I’m starting to think it’s almost impressive. Luckily I updated the slogan for them to lend a helping hand …
Am I surprised though? Uhhhh hell no, anyone with a brain knew that nonsense slogan was patch work. Just a bunch of lazy ass people in a room spending probably 3 weeks thinking of a logo for this slogan of lies instead of thinking about how to actually improve the fucking system. I mean damn, I’m even getting spammed on Twitter to download their shitty app … like bitch! .. I follow @NJTRANSIT on Twitter. Why do I need an App? Do you not understand that the problem isn’t being informed that there is a delay, but rather that there is a delay in the first place? Comprehendo or no, bro? What’s it to ya?.
Anyway, let’s look at some of the highlights over the last few weeks while I’ve embarked on my new commute of sleep deprivation while trying to get my infant child to sleep …
Leading off we have this beauty that came to my attention yesterday as I was on my 5th coffee in 5 hours #NewDad. Apparently our fellow Commuter Warrior, Johnny Kay was minding his own business thinking about what he could have done better with his life, when a screw from the top of one of the ceilings of his shit cart landed directly on his head and ricocheted onto the piss ridden floor in front of him …
Ya just can’t make this stuff up! Poor Johnny getting hit with a rusty metaphor during his commute home. I even peaked his profile and learned that not only does he ride NJTRANSIT and regularly hate-tweet them (#LoveIt), but he’s also a Jets fan. Much like his ride home, he must literally have a screw loose upstairs in the decision making department because that Franchise is fucking disaster. So not only does his life suck by having to ride NJTRANSIT for 52 weeks, but he also has to watch the Jets remove all hope from his life for 16 weeks out of that same year.
Also, what are the chances that screw if fixed by tomorrow? Do you think they just throw the same screw back up there to save cost and pay for Governor Murphy’s next vacation? I say at the minium they need to put that screw back in place, this way they can check off “IMPROVE” on their inititiative box since technically an old screw is better than no screw. Another win for Emperor Murphy and the Dark Side.
Moving along …
What’s 2019 without a little paranormal activity? As is we already had Aliens touch down on planet Earth a few weeks ago via the (wink, wink), Con Ed explosion and now we have ghosts that apparently never made it home riding the trains with us. I guess at the least this is proof of the after life. Maybe its even purgatory, I dunno … or MAYBE people actually died years ago while riding NJTRANSIT and their souls just stayed on the train forever, destined to ride in misery for eternity until they repent for all their sins. Let’s take a look …
I mean first off, everyone knows that Ghosts love being cold. If you’ve ever watched a scary movie you know that when the temperature drops that the Dead is comin’ for ya! So here we clearly have one of Casper’s good friends transfering train carts mid-ride, which we all know is not the safest thing to do considering you’re not supposed to transfer carts on a moving train, however, I guess if you’re dead already you don’t have much to worry about.
Also P.S. I think it’s hilarious that only a few days after NJTRANSIT released a horrendous post about “Being Prepared For The Cold” (which they deleted) that train doors on queue starting opening mid ride when it’s 30 degrees out …. to quote Arnold Schwarzenegger from the worst Batman movie of all time, IT’S TIME TO FREEZE!!
I also had a number of people reach out to let me know about how NJTRANSIT thought that installing new LED screens during rush hour would be a bright idea … because ya know …. that that’s best time to do it. Anyway, these screens went up, but something was a bit off. Now not only do we have to pay over $300 bucks a month for this trash service, but now they’re expecting us to know Code as well!
I don’t know about you, but my father always told me it’s not smart to assume and I’d say this falls under that category. I know we’re in the age of technological advances, but to expect half the population of commuters, most of which grew up without a computer to understand what the fuck this shit is might just a little on the crazy side. I mean my mother still thought up until a week ago that she could only access her email through AOL.com and now you want her to read this jibberish and expect her to make her way home? Might as well be reading heiroglifics … no wonder why I haven’t seen her recently. Love ya, Ma!
Then finally, good old fashioned delays, packed trains and mechanical hazards. A tradition as old as time. Commuters have even tried to troubleshoot mid-ride …
Hey … you know what they say, if you want it done right, do it yourself. This guy was straight up like “What does this button do?” and abracadabra, the door opens to reveal who knows what. It’s almost as if an employee forgot to lock it, but as we know, that’s not possible because we only have the best!
WE GOT NO FOOD, WE GOT NO JOBS … OUR TRAIN’S SCREWS ARE FALLING OFF!!
Here are also some glamour shots since the New Year kicked off …
Ugh, those miserable people. Damn, I miss it. Seriously, I have FOMO. I want to be out there with you guys experiencing the misery. In fact, I feel like a fraud, kind of like when Governor Murphy took NJTRANSIT to show commuters he’s one of us, the only problem was that he “coincidentally” rode the train during the weekend …. ya know, when no one is going to work … Here’s a little mashup I did to express our gratitude.
Hope you enjoyed. I’ll see you guys out there in month or two. I gotta go raise this baby …
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