They really out-did themselves this time, lemme tell ya! Typically on the ride to the train station I get in my car with time to spare so that I can throw on 104.3, listen to some classic rock and cruise at the speed limit, this way I’m both safe and filled with good vibes. Well as it turned out, today I was in for quite the rude awakening as instead of a little White Snake or Poison, I got a traffic and weather update that informed me that seven trains (yes, 7 trains, not the “7” train) had already been cancelled on NJTRANSIT. Not only that, but the MTA was a mess too as the entire alphabet worth of train lines was delayed out the ass-crack. Imagine that – you wake up early to get ahead of the game, but the game tells you to go fuck yourself and restart the system. Ain’t that something?
I mean damn, son. Can a guy at least enjoy his drive to the train? Is that too much to ask? It’s for real the only time of the day other then when I’m on the toilet taking a dump or in the shower that I’m not being asked to do a chore by the wife or some other bullshit other people are capable of doing themselves. (for the record, love the wife, would do anything for her xoxoxo). At least at work I’m paid to perform and execute tasks, unlike my commute, which is the complete opposite as I’m literally paying hundreds of dollars to inflict pain and anguish upon myself.
….. Oh! You want an example? Well you came to the right place!
Yesterday I paid for the luxury of standing on top of strangers and risking my life as I stood in a vestibule that I’m pretty sure was one bump away from being detached. Now I’m not positive, but I’m thinking this might have been a NJTRANSIT Winter promotion, where they allow for luxury Standing Room Only seats so that you can enjoy the scenery of a fellow rider’s nose hairs and shoe collection simultaneously.
This shit had me up and down like I was an 8 year old in a bouncy castle. Only difference is that this wasn’t a block party, but rather NJTRANSIT at its peak performance. I mean, just look at this shit … does this seem safe to you?
Don’t worry though, they had a sign that advised people not to stand in the vestibules, although I call bullshit on that “advisement” or “warning” if you will. I don’t need a college degree to know that this sign is here for one reason and one reason only, and that’s IN CASE SHIT HAPPENS they can say that they had this sign and it ain’t their fucking problem.
CUZ I’M LIVIN’ ON THE EDGGGE!!!!!!!
All the Conductor kept saying was “I promise there’s a train right behind us“, as he urged some riders to get off instead of piling on. To that I say, yea, I know that dude, it’s a train station. I would hope there are more trains, but guess what playa, I ain’t getting off, even if it means saving my life because the minute I choose to wait for the next train, I’ll be stuck on that Train Platform frozen like Jack Nicholson in The Shining ..
Now that I think about it, I guess this was NJTRANSIT’s way of showing us their newly minted Engage, Inform and Improve initiative. Yeah, that’s right, these clowns have put together a one pager on how they’re going to help us. Keep in mind though, at no point do they say they’re really gonna improve the trains themselves. Essentially, they’re just gonna get better of letting us know when we’re gonna be delayed. Fuckin A!
Fuck outta here with that garbage. Just tell me your service is the shits. That’s better than lying to me. At least then I’ll know where I stand when I’m getting suffocated trying to get on Track 1 at 5:30PM.
I mean, at least the MTA came up with the Courtesy Pass, where they’ll let riders resume their trip free of charge when everything goes to complete shit. I can at least respect that. They’re actually acknowledging that everything sucks ass and that their service is an abomination. They’re basically like “Yo, we know we fucked up, we ain’t got solutions, so here ya go, your next shitty ride is on us.”
And out of ALL that I covered above the most glaring issue to me is that this was on a fucking MONDAY MORNING. I mean just imagine being NJTRANSIT and having all weekend to prepare and get your shit in check, then when the time comes to deliver, you fail … over … and over again. It behooves (great word) me how ensuring that Monday’s service, of all days, isn’t absolutely flawless every week. For commuter’s sake, it’s your first impression of the week and you still don’t give a flying shit. It’s as if you were to starting dating someone – you head over to meet the parents for the first time, but instead of buying them flowers, you bring over a blunt and ask the Dad if he wants to rip a few puffs in the backyard by the tomato garden while you tell him about how you met his daughter. Like how can you be so fucking stupid and irresponsible? Idiots.
As for yesterday’ first impression, this is what I saw …
I think it’s safe to say that the blonde lady in the photo is all of us. Just fed up, but too used to the nonsense to care anymore. She’s got the smushy face and everything!
At least for her there was some light at the end of the tunnel…. at least she was getting off the train. Like many, the ride would end for her, unlike our Conductor who just stared outside the window in shame as the rest of us bounced around like we were Neil Armstrong touching down on the moon. I mean just look at the sadness and resolve he has in the photo below. It’s of utter acceptance. He knows it’s not his fault, but he also knows that everyone is going to blame him anyway. Deny until you die. It’s the NJTRANSIT way. You just accept it. For better or for worse, but mostly just worse. Hello darkness, my old friend.
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