NJTRANSIT Asked Their Riders To Fill Out A Customer Service Survey So I Stepped Up To The Challenge

It was yesterday morning as I was drinking my second cup of coffee before 8AM when I got an alert on my phone from the beacon of positivity … Twitter.  It was one of our fellow NJTRANSIT soldiers fighting the good fight against NJTRANSIT one delay at a time.  This brave soul sent me the following promotional survey request from the enemy itself …

I couldn’t believe my eyes, NJTRANSIT was actually asking for Customer feedback regarding their dumpster fire service. It’s as if they really care about the livelihood and satisfaction of the fine people of New Jersey! Maybe … just maybe there is hope after all!  They want to make it better! And to that I say …

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GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BRO! … this had to have been a joke.  Do they REALLY want to go down this road?  The fact that they even have the term “customer satisfaction” in print is insulting.   For heaven’s sake, my poor friend Craig had to evacuate his train and walk on the tracks to “transfer” to another train in the pouring rain just last week.  BAH GAWD, HE HAS A FAMILY!!! Why don’t you give him the stupid survey? In fact, why don’t you ask his wife how she felt hearing about her husband walking on train tracks in the middle of the woods like he’s on an episode of Are You Afraid Of The Dark?

They even have the audacity to put a shitty, insulting hashtag at the bottom of this thing: #1TripAtATime ….. Ummm, on what freaken planet is it “one trip at a time”?  What about the trains that get cancelled as I stand in Penn Station looking up at the schedule board like a complete asshole?

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What about those trips?  What happened to them?  Did the oil from the leaves that shut down 15 trains this past week get to them??!?!

So as I came to the realization that this survey was in fact real, I took it upon myself to not reject it, but embrace the challenge.  After all, someone has to do it as I’m assuming the majority of commuters used this lamented document to wipe their own respective asses.  I also think that being a relatively new commuter that I’ll be able to bring some fresh new ideas to the table, kinda like this guy did on Twitter …

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How profound, Billy! On behalf of our miserable community of commuters, I thank you for your contribution!

As for me, I actually went to the survey.  Spoiler alert, the first few questions are boring as hell.  It’s essentially just where you live, how you get to work and what’s your starting and final destination.  The good stuff is where they start asking about the actual “service” and this is where I come in.  For starters, let’s take a stab at “seating availability” …

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SEATING AVAILABILITY: 

If we’re talking going to work, availability is pretty good.  I get on at Rahway so there’s usually no one on the train or there’s already people passed out and snoring.  I tell ya, people are so comfortable sleeping on the way into work that I wouldn’t be surprised if I start seeing some older folks with sleep apnea machines.  They’re all like, “I may die on this shitty ass train due to a derailment, but it ain’t gonna be because I don’t have open airways!”  On the way back though, it’s a different story.  It’s the f’n hunger games out there.

THE 4:45 NEW JERSEY TRANSIT TRAIN WILL BE DEPARTING FROM TRACK 11 …

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Live shot of Penn Station!

I’ve never seen so many people battle it out for a prime time seat in my life, so it’s not really about if there are seats available to be sat in, it’s whether or not you survive the mad dash to sit on your ass at the mercy of the New Jersey Transit System.

 

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Moving along …

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ON TIME PERFORMANCE:

Oh my, where do I begin?  I’m gonna go with “UNACCEPTABLE” for 500, Alex!  I’ve been doing this commute for about 3 weeks now and I’ve already had a 3+ hour commute.  I tell ya, there’s nothing like the thrill of sprinting throughout New York City, hitting every turn perfectly, catching the train as it enters the Subway and taking that quick trip to Penn Station only to find out that you have a one way – never ending trip to Commuter Purgatory better known as “Stand By”.  Ahhh yes, it’s a good thing I left work early, sprinted and worked up a sweat just so I can stand here sweaty and gross staring at an LED screen telling me “get comfy, ya f’n loser!”

TRIP TIME: 

My feedback here is quiet simple – TO BE DETERMINED.  No seriously, TO BE DETERMINED is the answer.  One day the express train will be 32 minutes of perfection and the next day it’ll be a multi hour hell-ride that has you making a transfer in Hoboken because you have no fucking idea where you’re going.  Legit every time you get on you have no idea when your ride will end.  You’ll start your trip off thinking about what’s for dinner, but by the time you walk in the door it’s time for breakfast.  Bacon, Egg and Motherfucking Cheese, am I right?!?!

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MECHANICAL RELIABILITY:  

Listen, when it comes to mechanical problems, you guys live by DENY UNTIL YOU DIE.  I mean, the last few days there have been excuses of “slippery rail” conditions.  Now, when it was raining I could believe it, because, ya know, water is wet and all.  However, today (11/7) we got the same prompt, but it was 60 degrees and sunny outside.  I mean, I’m not rocket scientist, but I’m pretty sure the sun is pretty freaken hot, so I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say those tracks are, as my very Italian Mother-In-Law would say, “dry like a toast!”

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OVERALL VALUE FOR YOUR MONEY/SATISFACTION w/ NJTRANSIT:

And here we are, the MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!!! Am I satisfied?  Ummm, well I started an Instagram handle @ihatemycommute and started this blog so what do you think?  The bottom line is that when it comes to NJTRANSIT Service, no matter what you do, you’ll be left disappointed and then some.  As the old saying goes, when it rains, it pours, so make sure you bring an umbrella …

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